The last few days have been rough for me. I had a full scale panic attack at school on Monday. Which sucked, but ultimately led me to a realization that I needed in order to move forward.
As I said in my last post, I was planning on attending law school. This meant totally changing my focus in school. In the span of four weeks I added a minor to my degree, scheduled a full year of politics and law classes, and began figuring out a law internship with a brand new advisor. This all culminated on Monday when I had to turn in a “graduation plan” to the registrar at my school. I met with my law advisor to get the packet signed only to discover that he had basically forgotten who I was. I went to class and started to cry, which led to hyperventilation, which led to a panic attack in the gardens at my school.
Once I had talked to my mother, and calmed down, I came to the realization that if law school was the right path for me I would be excited about the future, not terrified by it. It was difficult to admit to myself that something that I had been telling people was “my future” was just me trying to convince others that I was smart. This is an issue that I have suffered with in the past. Heck, my major when I started college was chosen just because “smart girls go into STEM fields”. Twice in my college career I have had to sit down with myself and admit that the path I was on was wrong for me. It wasn’t the path I wanted for myself. It is difficult to admit to myself that I was wrong, but it was the right thing to do.
So in the past two days I have rearranged my schedule for next year, added a few English courses that I wanted to take, and dropped the minor that I added only 3 weeks ago. I am excited about my marketing internship in the fall and I know that it is something that I will enjoy. I need to let myself be proud of what I do, even if people seem to think of it was “easy”.
In reality, I think I am just getting really frustrated with everyone asking me if I am going to be a teacher because I am an English major.