Not because I think that is how I SHOULD feel, but because I am tired. I feel broken because I didn’t finish the essay that needed to be finished today, and because I didn’t vacuum my room, and I didn’t sweep up the cat litter. I feel like a mess; laying in my bed at midnight crying over the sad lives of fictional characters, and how I relate to their feelings of inadequacy.
I was supposed to write this essay all last week, and I kept saying “tomorrow”. I kept thinking that I would do it on Saturday, but then I slept through Saturday. So I worked on it today, but the planning and research took longer than anticipated. Then it was 9:00 and I wanted to get ready for bed, and now it’s midnight and I’m still not asleep.
You know what, this crying is okay. This crying is the result of reasonable stress and I was able to calm myself down. It is okay. No matter what happens I know it will be okay. I made it through a school trip that involved some fears of mine, and that felt great. I kept my head up and shed zero tears the whole time, go me!
I know that I sound sarcastic, but I really am proud of myself. Even since I began typing this entry, I have begun to feel a lot better. I kept myself from spiraling down into dead hobo territory.
So with that lovely remark, I am going to get some sleep